these are justthree of the one i love dealy. my sisters jamie (the blond ) and jackie. then there is the love of my life. orlie, my baby. she is a little over one year old and the cutes thing you have ever seen.

this has been a good week. it has been a busy week too. i love it when i am busy and just dont have time to be tierd.

This week has also been just a mantian week spritualy. really have not thught alot about anything god has been doing in me. there are some things i need to think about.

one is i am getting really serious about losing weight, eating healther and gaining energy. i just honestly do not want o dite like out of one of the hunderds of books. everyone has tehre favirote. each controdicts the other. i want something that will aloww me to eat healty but not hurt myself. i want to take vitames and a decent not to harsh exersice plan. if anyone has a sugjustion i would love to hear.

also been thinking about the fold. the special needs ministry at mosic. i am really excited about what god is doing. one thing i have been thinking and if anyone has a sugjustion pleas let me know. see i know there are many special needs kids and young adults at mosic. most are taken care of in church by there parents well, becasue it is easier. what can a minstry like the fold do for someone like that. they want tehre child to be in church and do not mind having them ther but i still fill like they need to and can be ministed to. one idea i have had is make someone avalable before and after chruch to sit or be with some of these kids so there panrents can socialize and not have to wooory about there child. also there is getting some of these kids involved in other ministries but there you need people willing to help. so here is my other question. any of you mosics who read this. i need some volenters. some would give up one sunday a month to sit in the back room with mickey and desi youngblood and who ever eles needs special attetion. you are not by yourself. and it is real easy. also some poele who could do one on one. i would love to have the boys and anyone eles who needs it to be able to go to youth or other thigns but they need one on oen help. any other ideas you have would be greatly appreciated.

i guess that is it. just have a great weekend and hope to see some of you guys during it

me 

well this has not been a good week

everything was great till wensday when i got sick. my sister jamie is sick to. not to sure what it is doctor just gave us antibiotics. so i have not worked the rest of this week. i am upset and depressed. i really cant affored to not work pluss i hate missing. always scared someone will come along better than me. so i have not had a great week. tuseday night was great. god really just loved on me. then came the rest of the week. my thoat hurts and i have a headach and fever. even when i am on medican if i move around to much i get quizey. my sister has only worked to days also. this just has sucked. i usuualy dont gripe on here but i need to do it some time. hope god is blessing everyone eles. he is just loving me throught beeing sick and tierd and a little depressd. hope i am well enought to go to church sunday

i have to put these down

i know most people do not read music lyrics but i have to put these up, just the first part. this has been a messege god has been giving me...

You are here in my heart,
youre the light that guides me through the dark.
You walk beside me,
the night seems cold each time I fall,
Your arms are there to hold.
You walk beside me,
giving strength Ive never known.
And I am not aloneYou walk beside me.

You are here in my mind,
I talk to you and all my fears unwind.
I know Im loved,
for who I am,
You make me want to be the best that I can.
And you walk beside me,
giving strength Ive never known

wow, is that not awsome... here is the best part

I am not alone,
You walk beside me.
I am not alone
where ever the road leads

see this is what he has been singing to me. at times bringing me to tears or just plastering a smile on my face. see i am reliseing some things.. i can do some things on my own that are ok. i can stay away from places i know could harm me becasue i know god says no. i can have good intentions, i can plan my futre. i can follow certian rules. but there comes a time that i cant do things i really kow i need to do becasue i am week. things like matian a pure heart. only god can help me with this. he will not do it for me but will help me with his strength. i may have the passion but he has the pwer.

in my life it is what is god desireing to show me right now. some belivers tell me to just be and dont worry about it. i cant do that. not that i want to figuar it out on my own but i fill a peace about the journy. i fill like he is putting something on my heart. if you would like to know what it is just let me know i will tell you. dont really feel like going on aobut it right now. there are so many unknows. just pray. that i would love. god is walking on a road with me that is getting interesting....

What a weekend

I spent way to much money, had lots of fun with my sisters (who are back from michigan ) saw two moives (one twice in one day, guess i think it is good :) ) was chalanged about some things in my life that i spent pray in this morning. just had a good day.

I am a big guy. i was challenege about losing weight and beeing active. that is great. i have been convicted about that. then when i try i hurt. and yesterday i hurt. that is one of the big strugles ihave. i hate to be in pain. it makes me feel week and a little useless. what i hate more is wanting to give up. it is a struggle fro me. i want to do things that are healthy but i hate to seem week and helpless. that is where god comes in and wispers in my ear like he did this moring.

let me be your strength. let me be your help and your hope

that just sends chivers down my spine. it really does. makes me think of plasms wehre it says god is my help
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

what a verse..... it just lifts my spirts to know how much he cares. also to know that you can have church anywhere. well have a great day.. i have more to say but i have to go to work..

I am not alone.....

God is hear beside me. He loves me even though I am a chaotic, neurotic eclectic, eccentric, impatient, soft hearted, and creative. That is how god made me. The last couple of weeks. I have wrestled with God. That is a good thing. Just like Jacob wrestling with god to show him who was truly the one in charge. God continuality trying to get my attention. Because he is doing something new in my life. I could calk it up to being hardheaded and slow. But I really don’t think that is it. I think he is doing something new in my life. He is teaching me new things and allowing me to acquire new skills. Like I am being formed in to a servant. I am being taught how to care for others and with a willing heart.
I am so enjoying Mickey and Desi. They are teaching me so many things about myself. patients is something we learn by fire. Also just steadfastness. I am not married and do not have kids but I am being taught what it is like to have a heart of a father. Also he is teaching me dependence on him.
Like I had a major break through this week. It was strange. I just made up my mind that I was giving this one issue in my life to god. I had been really struggling with it. For months. Just this one issue was weighing on my shoulders. It was haunting me. I was struggling for spiritual breath at times. I just was driving in my car praying like I always do and it just clicked. This is not something I can do. I have the desire and the passion to clean my life but not the power and the will. I had tried to pray for a miraculous healing. God to just take it away. And it did not. I also tried to take it in my own hands and that did not work. God spoke and said he wanted to do this together. He wanted me to try and stop with him guiding me and giving me strength. He wanted to show me how much he loves me by work with and in me to renew me. If he just did it I would learn nothing but I had not power to do anything. I have had a clear heart for two days. It is amazing what god does when you allow him to just be. I am ready for what ever he wants.
I have only three weeks till school starts and I am getting excited. I am ready to see Ke'arus again.. what else.
Oo I am getting a record player off of eBay. I am so excited. I have like 30 records. A lot form when I was a kid. I am excited…..
this has been a crazy week. Had a flat today.. also got hit for the first time by Desi. And it hurt he has a nice left swing. I felt bad for him because we had a break down of communication. I could not understand what he was wanting so he threw a fit. I just wanted to take care of him and give him what he needed but because he could not communicate I did not give him. So he got upset. I was think about that. I get that way sometimes. I just want to scream. I feel like that way to god sometimes. I just don’t think he is understanding me so I throw a fit. Well that is all my ramblings tonight ..
peace