God is speaking and it is awsome to listen andsee him move in me and my friends.

there are so many things goign on. One is the talk of discipleship. what is it and do we need it. my thought are truly not really clear. we need peole to come along side us. to be able to pour in to us love, and frinedship and there experiance with god and also to be able to pour that in to someone. the fact that what it takes is a person with disiple in there own life, someone willing to take the time to pour in to someone.. also a person who is able to show love and trust to others. then that person wanting to be in a friendship and a partnership of learning about god and listening to him. that takes guts and courage. i would love to be at that place. i am not know but i am on my way. i think that discipleship is very very important. most defenitly. i like what a friend of mine said on her blog http://www.mirrorsdepth.blogspot.com/ That is what it started me think about this

the other thing that god has put on my heart is my calll. this is not as clear and is still a journy. i know, that i have been called ot not jsut minister like all of us but that i was set apart. that god has planted in me a heart for him. that i have a heart to help others. over the years god has worked on specific parts of me. my heart, my serves, my commentment, my skills, my knolege, my passion. i belive he is not finised at all yet. i have always loved childern. i have also loved teaching. i have had the chance to teach kids and do it creativly. i have never had a broken heart for anyone. i have never cried over the lost. i have never felt god really pull my heart to the point of submision. i have felt him tug me in a direction and use me when i thought that i was uinusable. i have strted working with disabled kids and love it both in a church setting and in a profesional level. i love it i really sence god tuging agian for me to listen to him and be watchful. what does that mean . i have no clue? i have started to reseach about special needs ministries. i have found really nothing. i am still seeking out what he wants. this is no where near over.

what eles is god doing/ well he is growing me. that is so awsome. he is chalangeing me to step out and be sociable . to step out on faith and put my self out there. that is hard.

what a summer

Hey
well the past two weeks have been very fun and tiering. I have not been phisicaly tierd but emotionanly and mentaly. that is a good tierd. menas that i am serving from myself. i love working with the boys. i am having to get used to mickey and desi . the way they interact and the fact that they really cant be out in public alot. that is hard.
i am not sure what eles to talk about. god is really alowing me to serve and see that i have a place. i love that. i am just wanting god to just engulf me and every part of my life. i really want to form some everlasting friendships but it is really hard for me casue i jsut like being by myself. i am so glad i have peole who look past that. just pary that god will allow me to have some meaningful times this summer with poeple. that is goign to be a god thing

also pray for my parents and money. i am making more money this summer but still not enought to help out. with mom not working it is hard. just pray she will find some kids to take care of so they can pay rent and take care of bills and have money to buy food and do all the things a teenager needs. i am helping alot. but i am also truly trying to pay my bills, have a social life, eat, and save money. tha is hard. jsut pray that god will help us survie this summer.

well beside that. just chilling... and writing , which is awsome.

prayer please

just a real quick list of pray needs for me

1. this is the last day of school for the summer and i feel strange. part of me is ready for the change of paste the otehr part will miss ke'arus. just pray for peace, i also have the unnatrual feelings that things are going to go wrong beause they have been to right. that is wrong

2.that this new summer job with the twins will work out. the big issuse is jsut that all the paper work and back ground checks will go throught in time for me to start work next week. also all fear and dought be taken away.

3.the nordamnen family.. last year there 28 year old son died suddenly of an anurisum, well wensday there 25 year old son died of a heart attack at church. pray for the family that they will be protecetd and they well be assuerd by gods love

i feel funny

Wow
What a week. I am so tired. But I am always tired. I put 100 percent in everything I do. That is exhausting sometimes.
The weekend was great and fun, but what is on my heart is the fact I put everything I have into everything I am. Sometimes I just seem to get lost in my own head. That is what has happened today. I just kind of got lost inside. I felt like crying and screaming and laughing all at he same time. It is kind of scary when I get like this. It is as if all these emotions just get stuck in my throat and all I can do is kind of melt down. For the longest I have not really had people to share these parts of my life with. It is strange how I feel alone because I make myself be alone. It is ultimately my chose to be lonely. Not anything anyone has done or some out side force has done. But my personal chose to be miserable. I have been so stressed the last couple of years about how people saw me form the outside. The real fact is that I am afraid of what I see on the outside. I see my self as strange and unusually. Not everyone else. I have wonder why I don’t think I have friends. It is because I chose to not be with people. God is teaching me that all I need is him. In that it means for me to be happy in him alone.
This gets me to today. This whole weekend has been fun. Hanging with new friends and sharing my life with people. Today I just seemed to close down. I started listing to music and two songs really stuck out. One is all I need.
When the day is done and there’s no one else around
While I am ling in my bed
Your all I need

Your all I need when I’m surround
Your all I need when I’m by myself
You fill me when I am empty
There is nothing else
Your all I need

Wow.. that is so true. I just need god, I know what most of you reading this are thinking wow that is so good, go Jimmie, it is not me that is god reviling himself to me. One of my greatest desires is a mate, a female companion in my life. Someone to complete me, to help fulfill what god is doing in me. To help me grow. For me to help whoever she is grow and become who god wants her to be. That has been a desire for a long time. The problem is that that desire has come in front of god. I have gotten to the point of still knowing god has someone for me. But not letting that be a desire any more. I would not pray for it because I was scared that it was to selfish but then put it at the front of my heart. I was living a big contradiction. As I type this my heart is getting lighter. I know that god wants the best for me. He wants me to focus on him not what he can give me.
So here I am standing in front of god going it is yours, again. This time I am bold in front of the throne asking for his will and his best. For him to bless me. And taking my concerns to him and just letting him sort them out. One pray is that god bring , when it is his time a bold women in my life. So I will not take things in my own hands. I also pray for bold friends who will love and understand me. I am getting that. I feel so much better than I did a couple of minutes ago.